I write because nothing has been easy. It’s not easy now. But that’s ok because I am alive and this is the breakthrough.
Discouraged by life there
are times my vessel is
depleted and I want to die.
In those moments
when the tank is nearly drained,
delirious thoughts flow.
At midnight on this Oahu beach
I hear a thousand roosters crow
canceling the sound of ocean waves,
Placing headphones over ear plugs, I ask
come sweet sleep and escort tinnitus away
putting thoughts of sabotage to rest,
When sleep deprivation is endless,
like Niagara Falls I want to pull the plug,
and end it all.
When the HVAC won’t cut off
and partner’s snoring never ends
I want to push pause and escape.
Demented thoughts fill the tenth floor
though tempting I dare not step
beyond that open doorway,
It would be too easy to take a leap,
and prove what they always
said, “I knew he was crazy!”
but that is not my legacy.
Can’t let my kids grieve for eternity,
because they’d never know why
or allow my wife to wonder,
“What did I do?”
Though enticing I keep myself
from the sliding door, knowing
that path would be painful.
Finally dawn comes through the crucible of despair
lifting the veil leading to the warm green light
where I’m comforted by blankets of love.
I write because nothing has been easy.
It’s not easy now. But that’s ok because
I am alive and this is the breakthrough.
I write for all the unhinged souls
who needed one more hour of sleep
before they passed through sanctuary’s door.
For the storytellers with unbearable pain, I live.
For those with PTSD who couldn’t help themselves, I live.
For the bridge jumper, mainliner and over the cliff seekers, I live.
For those who never had a voice because the hurt
was overwhelming, I live.
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